Monday, June 4, 2012

Life is not an AXE commercial!

What are guys thinking when they see an attractive woman? Yes, I know the "obvious" answer, but do they really think we are going to jump on them and spray them with AXE deodorant with the wind blowing in our hair. Or immerse them with water and sponge bath their bodies with AXE body wash on the soap aisle? The answer is no. We all know this, but why does AXE still give false hope to the guys out there that cannot get a girl?

When I was 21 I had two roommates, my one roommate was a bit odd, and asked me to shave his back when he was drunk. That is another post in itself. My second roommate Tom was the type of guy who wore whitewash jeans with a button down black shirt with flames on it, topping it off with a crazy amount of gel in his hair which made "Pauly D's" hair look natural. He had a porn collection that could stretch for miles, and loved the typical porn looking girl. If that is your kind of woman....great, but for this guy the closest thing he would ever get to a girl like that was Playboy or his blowup doll. Yes, I sound mean, but they played pranks on me constantly.

For example, our TV faced the front door, and whenever we would get pizza or takeout, I got suckered into answering the door. They would both run out of the room, turn on a dirty porn with the volume as loud as possible, leaving me to look like I am eating pizza and watching porn by myself. I would blush, shake my head and "try" to blame it on my roommates. The look on some of those delivery boys faces is one that will not be forgotten. And one went so far as to ask if he can join me? Yuck!!!

Anyway, back to AXE and Tom......Tom use to drench himself in AXE deodorant, the body spray, and the shower gel. He would walk out in those "dad" jeans, a flame shirt, and tennis shoes. The fumes radiating from his body reminded me of the ones you see off cartoons when someone smells bad. I had this image every time I saw him. Whenever you smell AXE, it's as if you just got punched in the nose by an old man. It is nauseating!

Finally, enough was enough. I could not handle it anymore. I was tired of my clothes and hair smelling like AXE whenever I left my apartment. I would try to cover up the scent with my own perfume, but had people give that terrible face, and ask "Who has perfume on?" I always cringed, and said "sorry."
Day in and day out he would complain about not having a girlfriend…. blah blah blah. I was sick of hearing him complain, and even more tired of knowing why he could not get a woman to come close to him.
I felt like "Cher" off "Clueless" when I asked him if we could have a makeover day. It took some convincing, but after I told him "real" women would talk to him in person, and not just on the phone late at night, he obliged. We went shopping for normal guy clothes, got a new haircut, and even bought new shoes that would go with his "everyday normal" outfits.

When he walked out of his room, I felt proud like Freddy Prince Jr. did in "She's all that" when Rachel Leigh Cook is coming downstairs made over. He looked amazing! The confident boost he had was a complete change. He felt so good about himself and could not stop smiling.
As we were walking out the door for coffee, I sniffed and asked. "What's that smell?" He said, "Oh, that is my new cologne by “Old Spice.” I found it near AXE, and thought I would try something different with my new look." All I could do was smile, and nod.

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