Friday, June 15, 2012

"C" stands for cheater

As "Rumor Has It", was playing, I could not help but think of my new friend who's ex-husband was dating a 23 year old, and he himself being 45. Wow, how stereotypical right? The husband who goes and cheats, but what about the wife who goes and cheats? Is that so unheard of? Exceptions are made for men, but why not women? I recently spoke to my friend who, went through a rough divorce. “Rough”, not being for her, but for her ex-husband. Marriage is special, I admit, but why do women cheat? Does it make us feel empowered, or strong?

I asked my friend what the "high" was off cheating, and she could not explain it. She said "it felt great to be back in the game" and she knew she settled. How sad....right? But how many ladies feel like they "settled?" Do you feel lonely, thinking you are the only ones? And then I cannot help but think about the "virgins." What if you get stuck with someone with a small penis? Are you going to be happy? Are you going to feel sexy and fulfilled? And please, do not give me "size does not matter, the motion of the ocean matters," because honey, we know that is a lie you tell yourself. Men with "small" bits and pieces like to give that line. Width is the most important measurement…..just saying.

I have experienced small bits and pieces and I am so thankful I did, because what would have happened if I thought that was "sex?" How terrible! Every time I watched a "Twilight" movie I would be depressed. That guy did not break any headboards, let alone come close to giving me an orgasm. I had to ask if he was "ready" because it looked flaccid. When he told me he was "good to go," I felt bad for asking. I could not tell, and honestly, that relationship was short-lived. Yikes...No pun intended.

Have movies ruined ladies for life? I mean, we see these guys having passionate sex with their partners, and everyone looks like they are really enjoying themselves being thrown around yelling in different languages, BUT that is not real!

I apparently am awkward, and do not know how my husband found me attractive. I mean, I wish I was sexy. I feel like I look like Taylor Swift trying to be sexy. Granted, I'm a cute little lady, but not a Kim Kardashian. I feel like Seth off the O.C. when he and Summer finally have sex, "limbs everywhere." That is me. So, am I doing it wrong, or am I just not letting go? My friend did tell me, she could feel "free" with her many accomplishments and even ran the show many times.

Is that the problem with us "married" ladies, or do women in general hold back? I admit in my younger days (early 20's) I was the "cat's meow." I was good at what I did, and enjoyed it. Now being 28, I just want to be able to sleep without being touched. How terrible is that? My poor husband, what a good man he is, and such a patient man. He can tell when I am good to go, but why does it take a bottle of wine to get me going? Am I bored, or stuck in a routine.....maybe, but I am happy.

Sex is sex. Sure, I fantasize about some men and breaking headboards, I won't lie, but men will be men. All their gross and annoying habits will come out. Even if you are Justin Timberlake and can "rock my body" how I think you can. You still will have to poop, toot, and be smelly all in your own way. So, why cheat when all men seem to be the same? The penis can only blind you for so long. So, before you make a huge mistake/ life decision, get batteries for that stimulator and know the "honeymoon phase" will only last for so long, and your new guy will become an old penis you are ready to cheat on, and never look back.

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